Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Rock Star: Clear skies?

"Rock Star" elimination spoilers, post-haste...

Well, nertz. It's not exactly a secret who I've been pulling for, and I had resigned myself to her going home last week or tonight at the latest, and then Storm had to go and just blow up all over the stage and screen last night and fool me into thinking she would be around to the final week.

Instead, she goes home, but at least she got one hell of a three-song, two-night farewell: one of the most energetic covers of the season with "Sufragette City," a balls-out original with "Ladylike," and then a lovely tearjerker (it even had stone-faced Jason Newsted wiping 'em away) with "Wish You Were Here." At first, I was surprised she would go back to a ballad after regaining the ability to rock with "Helter Skelter," but you got the feeling she went into this evening knowing it was over -- and if she didn't at the start, she did once Magni got to sing the latest generic Supernova song instead of her. So she got to show one last color, and to sing goodbye to her late, mentally-ill mom. Then she got the nicest send-off I've ever seen for an eliminated reality contestant, up to Dave and Tommy and Jason all volunteering to play on her recorded version of "Ladylike." All in all, not a bad way to go out.

As someone pointed out over on Throwing Things, it's ironic that they all want to be in her band but none of them want her in their band, but she clearly doesn't fit into whatever the hell it is that Supernova is doing, so that's cool. It's late in the game, but maybe she'll get enough text messages to show up for the encore next week. And I know I'll be ordering a copy of Storm & The Balls' "Blue" CD whenever it comes out.

Time to rank the contenders one last time, I suppose. At the start of the season, there seemed to be a clear Big Four of Dilana, Storm, Lukas and Toby, and Magni has slipped in there instead. From least likely to win to most:

4. Dilana: I love Cheap Trick. Most of the new music I buy is from garage bands who are ripping off Cheap Trick. But when have they ever been confused with a punk band? It didn't sound so much like Dilana re-arranged "I Want You To Want Me" (yet another on-the-nose song choice) into a punk song as she just sang it at a completely different tempo from the band, all while flopping the lyrics around. There are times when she's a very cool cover singer, and her "Lithium," "Ring of Fire" and "Zombie" were three of the season's top 10 (if not top 5) performances, but whatever spell she had on me has been lost, and she's obviously way too high maintenance even for a short-term gig like this. I wouldn't be stunned if she survives the first elimination, or even the second, just so the band can maintain the fiction that they would consider a frontwoman, but no way is she winning.

3. Magni: Macro engaged: nice guy, total pro, fine voice, probably a better guitar player than Gilby, yet doesn't really bring that much to the table by himself. Lukas and Toby would have to basically threaten to rape Tommy on live TV for Magni to have a shot at beating them.

2. Lukas: I go back and forth on this. Apparently, during the performance show taping, Tommy gave some big emotional speech after Lukas performed about how he'd spent his whole life dreaming of being in a band with a guy who could make him feel the way Lukas made him feel after "Headspin." No doubt they cut it from the broadcast because it made it sound like Lukas had the gig won and no one needed to tune in for the next week and a half. But I just don't see the guy as a match for the T. Rex-style generic party rock that we've heard out of the band for the last four weeks. They pick him if they care about being around for more than one tour and one album and want to make their sound more modern; if they just want to cash in and go back to their day jobs, he's not the right fit.

1. Toby: He's the least interesting of these four, yet he's the perfect match for Supernova. I think that just about says it all about this season. Someone want to call Eddie Van Halen to see if he's changed his mind for season three?

What does everybody else think?


Adam said...

Toby's not "interesting" in that he doesn't bring anything new or unique to the table, creative-wise, but he's very good at what he does -- he's a young, hunky charismatic frontman, and SuperNova could use that.

I do not like the Glam Troll, but we've been over that before.

I will miss Storm -- she's more consistent than Dilana, and just more fun.

Anonymous said...

Toby won a car on a Mark Burnett show (see Survivor car curse). Lukas is going to win the gig.

But whoever wins, we can forget about Supernova as they fade into irrelevancy next Thursday.

Alan Sepinwall said...

I may be wrong, but I think Sergio, the Contender season one champ, won a car earlier in that season, which would suggest the Car Curse only applies to the one Burnett show.

tabloidbaby said...

Well, we were betting Toby would dedicate a song to the Croc Hunter on Tuesday, but I guess they waited for the corporate okay before he pulled out the most obvious cliché before launching into that fratboy karaoke dance party. This guy makes Men at Work look like Black Sabbath. He’s a paid-crowd pleaser, but won’t win.

Magni? He’s a softie. All Icelandic-emo, weeping about his kids, can’t speak the language, a wannabe baldie Bono. Not a good fit.

Which leaves us with the two we’d picked from the beginning.

Too bad for Dilana, she imploded and now comes off as a fruitcake troll. From the funeral cortege crutches to gobsmacking us all by calling Cheap Trick “punk,” she destroyed herself. It didn’t have to happen that way. She was so professional, wacky and non-sexual from the start she could have walked away. Something happened. Back to the bratwurst festivals.

Which leaves us with little Sal Mineo, who I now realize is actually Baby Brando, marble-mouthing like the Godfather. His mommy song didn’t deserve an encore, but he is the one true rock star of the bunch.

Prediction: Baby Brando.

Magni and Toby can play covers with the house band.

And as for Storm, Alan, we’re sorry. But she should have been gone a long time ago. Storm’s physicality, and her obvious collusion with the network regarding her naked Internet shots, was the only thing that kept her this long. From the posing to the googly faces to the cabaret acting, she was wrong for the band and wrong for the show. And I don’t believe thee mother-in-a psych-ward story. It’s too Frances Farmer Northwest mythmaking. The tears? She’s an actress? The song? On a night when they’re all playing for their lives, she goes for another ballad? Be gone!

And why was Jason wiping his eyes? Thinking of getting kicked out of Metallica? He’s the real find of the show. His Spiccolo mannerisms and dead-braincell speech delays had us thinking he may be the new Art Carney. Then we realized. He’s Beavis! And that’s why Beavis wore the Metallica t-shirt.

Rock Star is the best show of the summer. Sad to see it end.

Anonymous said...

At this point, I think the best fit for the band is Toby. He'll bring in the young girls and make the band seem hipper than it has any right to be. At least he sings on key and is cute.

I don't know what the hell happened to Dilana, but it makes me sad to watch her now. Magni's a nice guy, like you said, but he doesn't belong here. Lukas--ah, fuck it, I still hate his stupid arrogant midget guts. He blows goats.

Bye, Storm! You stayed a lot longer than you had a right to, considering even the band knew you weren't a good fit weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

It occured to me last night why Toby's original sounds so familiar. It pretty much sounds exactly like a Jimmy Eat World song. Which is a much better fit for his teeny bopper, fake stretched earlobes, poseur eyebrow piercing-self than the lame has been heavy metal hard rockers of Supernova.

Anonymous said...

Of the 4 left, my vote's for Toby. But as long as anyone but Lukas wins, I'll be happy.

On another note...Anyone notice Navarro's tendency to say "_____ is the greatest thing that's ever happened in the history of this show. And I mean both seasons!!!" It seems like he's said that in each of the last 3 or 4 weeks. I expected to hear him say "Dilana, that was the best performance from any multi-lip pierced female singer that we've had....and I'm including the first season too!"