Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Rock Star: Do you remember how to mosh?

"Rock Star" results, PDQ...

Big, big, BIG sigh of relief from this Storm fan at the moment. She dodged a bullet, and deservedly so. But we'll go in performance order, since everybody but Magni got to sing.

Lukas, "Crap-Ass Supernova Song #3": You know, it's getting to the point where I can't imagine a scenario where Toby doesn't win. The two front-runners, Dilana and Lukas, have both sounded either ordinary (Dilana) or incoherent (Lukas) while playing with the band, and neither has really seemed to fit, whereas Toby, while unspectacular, at least had some on-stage chemistry with the guys and seemed to match the tone they were going for. Plus, he's not high-maintenance like the other two, and even if this is going to be a two-month tour (as opposed to a twenty year run with the band -- RYAN), who wants the headaches? Not good at all for Lukas, and I actually had Toby's "Hey hey hey"s and "Ho ho ho"s running through my head throughout it.

Toby, "Rebel Yell": Not as good as last night, but still fun, and I like that he went all the way back to the bleachers (which is where I had to sit for my taping). Looks like he's replacing Ryan as the teacher's pet.

Ryan, "Baba O'Riley": I'll admit it: I looked at some spoiler boards this afternoon to prepare myself for the inevitable disappointment of Storm's exit. And after doing a fist-pump over news of her survival, I was surprised to read several accounts that said Ryan got the biggest crowd reaction in the show's history and that everyone was going nuts when he was sent home. I can see how that might have played well to the crowd, what with the running and the jumping and the two or three other tricks in Ryan's bag -- not to mention the House Band outdoing its usual genius at playing The Who (this was maybe the best I've ever heard them) -- but the actual vocals were screechy as hell, he mangled a bunch of the lyrics, and the jumping off of stuff had devolved into self-parody even before they showed that "Ryan jumps off of stuff" montage during his biographical package last night. And again, 20 years? Really? Really? This band isn't going to be together for 20 months, maybe not even 20 weeks. Definitely the angriest exit we've had this season.

Storm, "Helter Skelter": Well, now I can see why she's been itching to perform on elimination night, because that was all kinds of cool and a badly-needed return to Crazy Punk Storm instead of Selfless Balladeer Storm. And, yeah, she was screaming too, but this is a song designed for it. (I'd argue that it was the first heavy metal song rather than the first punk song, but she sure as hell made a punk song out of it.) Would've liked to see the crowd actually mosh, but it's not that kind of crowd (and the paid hotties downstage sure as hell weren't going to do it). Lots of energy -- even some crowd-surfing -- but energy that felt spontaneous. I still fear that she's gone next week, but that's only one week short of the finals, and at least she got a chance to remind the band and the audience that she's not just a cabaret act.

Dilana, "Psycho Killer": Wow, this was just a complete disaster. I'm not sure how this is possible, but her energy level was really low, even though she was screaming and jumping up and down the whole time. I think the criticism of the last two weeks and now being in the bottom three has really thrown her for a loop, and she can't handle it. Which is a shame, because she was far and away my favorite performer for quite a while, and it feels like she's imploding. Also, am I going crazy, or was she yodeling at a few spots?

I'm hoping that we actually get to hear the original songs on the show next Tuesday, since the last time they did a songwriting clinic, it was confined to the webisode. And shame on the producers if they don't let everybody sing twice. Even "Idol" isn't shameless enough to try to stretch out five songs over a whole hour. Also, with Zoolander gone, Magni and Storm are the only ones who haven't performed with the band, or even one member of the band. Unless they're going to let both of them play with Supernova at the start of next Wednesday's show, it's pretty obvious that whoever doesn't get to is the one going home, no?

What did everybody else think?


bill said...

Setting aside Toby, those might have been four of the worst songs I've ever heard on Rock Star.

Dilana has long been my favorite...until she was possessed by the evil spirit of Zayra. Should've sent all three home.

Toby wins and I'll wait to hear what they'll do for next summer. Stick a fork in me.

Adam said...

Toby's in control. Why was there so much ass cleavage on display? And how could Dilana completely forget the bridge to "Psycho Killer"?

Lord Floppington said...

So it wasn't just me on the whole Dilana thing. Except for Toby, this whole night was a dud.

tabloidbaby said...

I've got to disagree on the Storm Large point. She was more cabaret than ever doing that Kid Rock "gangsta" strut, and continuing it distractingly through Dilana's number. Storm makes a living doing cabaret versions of rock songs, pulling faces and making google eyes. This had to be the worst version of Helter Skelter ever and her only place on TV is taking over for Star Jones on The View.

Mystery: for a woman who seems to be such a drama club prom queen, why all the tats? And a "daddy" tattoo near the belt line? Hmmm...

Agreed this was the worst night of songs possibly in television history, though hilarious! Ryan's song was the last screams of a drowning man-- but his careful, ten-minute climb to the top of the amps was precious. In his Ramones shirt and Strokes white belt, he was reliving his adolescence, when his mom would drive him and his underage band to play at CBGBs (so says the publicity). But the butt crack? Pure Homer Simpson.

Based on that song, Dilana should have been thrown out. That made her version of the Police song look like Alice Cooper singing "I'm Eighteen.' Thank God she didn't show her butt crack like the other two kept flashing. And yodeling? Yes she was. Check the Internet. Dilana is big in Holland. Maybe she can front Focus.

In the "end," it has to be Sal Mineo. There's no way Toby will front this band. He's too suburban. Too much like a frat boy grabbing the mike and yowling.

Still, there's no excuse for this crew of contestant. Even if the network cast them before they cast the band, CBS knew the genre. It was supposed to be Van Halen, remember?

bill said...

Why Toby should now win is he's the only one left who could possibly make this band fun. Are we all agreed that Dilana comitted ritual suicide and there's no way Storm can win?

Magni is still a safe choice. Very professional and the band would sound as good as they possibly could. If the band expected to be around this time next year, then go with him.

Lukas, the Dungeons and Dragons master, is just too much fake angst. He looks the parts and can almost sound the part; but after awhile it all just sounds the same and he's boring on stage.

Toby isn't the best singer--though I think he's a better musician than his goofball act let's on. More than anyone he involves the audience and makes the performance fun. Works well with the band and a live concert would be entertaining. Toby rocks the crowd, Toby wins.

Now for next year let's find a real band needing a singer.

Tami P said...

"Old men of Supernova", egads, some of you guys are just creul. Funny, but cruel.

Don't forget there are some of us ancient Crue, Metallica, etc, fans still roaming about on this earth. LOL

Anyway, Stormie, Stormie, where did that come from? I loved her Helter Skelter, and I'm not a huge fan of the song to begin with. I really liked what she did with it, and I went into this viewing certain it was her that was to die. Not that she isn't a great performer, she is, just never seemed right for this bunch of guys.

During her performance I just knew she'd saved her butt from the fire.

During Ryan's before it, I just knew he'd drowned himself in stupidity.

Dilanna-WTF? Girl gone mad. So sad. I hope she can recover, but it doesn't look promising in such a short stretch as what's left.

Tobi-I think he'd be a good front if he makes it, and it seems the road is opening up before him for the final sprint.

Magni-I really like him as a performer, but agree, too mundane, and lounge actish most times.

FrogPrince-It's been a long time since I thought Lukas might have a real shot at front man for this group.

I have to admit I've come to like him just a little more personality wise since they've shown some clips of him being 'human', but I still don't care too much for what I've seen on stage.

It's been a fun season watching and I'll kind of miss it when it's over, but yes, if the group manages to stick around a bit, I'll buy the records, and maybe even get my old creaky ass out to a concert or two.

Anonymous said...

I've said before that I never had any intention of listening to or buying any Supernova product, and I'm sticking by that, even if they pick Dilana or Toby, both of whom I really like. I just watch the show to be entertained, and so far, I have been, even when I'm hating on the performances :-)

Speaking of which: I share your incredulity with Ryan's 20-year-run talk, Alan. Check out the big ego on Ryan! Adios, Toolio! Glad your constipation was finally cured, though sorry it had to be during a Who song broadcast on my TV.

I guess I'm the lone insane voice out here, but I liked Dilana's take on Psycho Chicken (what the buuuuck?), despite her screw-ups. That combo Diamanda Galas/Nina Hagen/yodeling thing was fantastic and I think she scared the shit out of the band. That was awesome!

The new Super No Va song was weak, made weaker by poser Lukass' weak-ass vocals and weak-ass stage presence. Weak! BLEAH!

So glad Storm's around for another week. So sad Lukas didn't get that last slot instead of Dilana so they could've booted both him and Ryan. But at least one of those idiots is gone! And I agree that Toby's probably the best of the rest to front the band. As much as I like Dilana, I no longer think she's a good fit for the guys. They should have her be the opening act on their tour, however (and maybe do a triple bill with Magni).

Finally, a friend was telling me about some gossip she read which said that Gilby was overheard bitching to Rikki Rachtmann that Lukas thinks he's got the job sewn up, but he'll never win because both Gilby & Tommy hate his guts. Wheee! I'm sure Dave will deny it on his blog like he did the Janet Charlton gossip that says Lukas is the pre-ordained winner, but it was still fun to hear it :-) And I hope it's true!

Scott said...

Re: what Storm "did" with "Helter Skelter" -- it was basically Motley Crue's version from "Shout at the Devil." A good call if she was looking to win points from Tommy (not that she had to; he wants to get in her pants already).

Anonymous said...

the reason toby will win is-- women will throw their bras on stage at him and they won't for lucas!

Anonymous said...

Worst night of music ever on broadcast TV. Ryan was horrendous and Storm & Dilana both had no pitch or register. Storm is cheesy (skank) and Dilana is just gross.

What's up with Storm's eyebrows?
And WTF on Magni cutting off Navarro? That was uncomfortable.

Maybe they are all losing it.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else have problem voting Tuesday night??? I am voting in Canada and tried to vote online for Storm and Dilana but only got through once for Storm and not at all for Dilana. It kept giving me an error message. I would hate to think that Dilana was in the bottom three because there was a computer glitch.

Anonymous said...

I agree w/ Dez... Dilana totally shocked the band with that version... you think they've even HEARD of Nina Hagen??? LOL. What's up with everyone's comments about Storm? She has an incredible voice and stage-presence... so sexy! The way she sang Helter Skelter was amazing, it was the only song yesterday that made me feel I was watching a rock show. And... bye bye Ryan, what a poser, that guy.

Alan Sepinwall said...

Taste in music, as in almost anything, is subjective, so I'm not surprised or mad or anything that people's opinions of the remaining rockers don't match up with mine. I don't remotely see the same performer in Storm that Tabloid Baby does, but that's okay. (And the "Daddy" tattoo, I'm guessing, is a reference to the fact that her mother was a schizophrenic who was in mental hospitals for most of Storm's life, giving her a tighter-than-normal bond with her dad.)

What I do find funny is that, on every board and blog I visit, everyone, no matter which rocker they're pulling for, seems in 100% agreement that Supernova sucks and that they'd just as soon their favorite come in second than have to pay to hear Gilby pretend to be a lead guitarist.

dark tyler said...

Hey, that was a nice little surprise there with this hack finally going home. (with his exit line about the 20 years making the TV history books) And jeez, what's with the attitude? "See you in the charts". Yuh-huh.

Very glad seeing the five best singers making the top 5. It's something that would never happen on Idol, where there's always a McKibbin somehow making it to the semifinals. In Rock Star, even after the very first night it was pretty obvious that theese five were keepers. The next one to go has to be Storm.

And btw, what Brooke Burke said is a flat out lie. Why exactly was Magni at the top of the votes? Says who? Not the math, anyways. The fact that Lukas was in the bottom 3 five minutes into the voting doesn't mean that he didn't eventually surpass the Icelander. (or is it Icelandish? And if it's Irish for Ireland, should it be Iceish for Iceland? (LOL) Oh well, I'll just go with Iceman.)

Anonymous said...

More links showing how crazy Iceland is over Magni:

ninetieschild said...

wow i just cldnt stand the idea of a rockstar recruit b honest felt like a total sell-out even watchng the dam thing .but like somebdy said the bad performances were the most entertaining..i hav to agree the band totally sucks..all their comps sucks n lukas is all the limpbizkit-linkinpark-popunk ppl i hate wt all my heart rolled into one ,albeit wt a conveniently borrowed im-a-victim streak..since ive nevr seen this blog before i hope u dont mind a rather longish comment .but i just hav to express my piss-off over the idea.tommy lee u expect him to do his metrosexual yo-yo shit. gilby clarke i dont particularly care abt.that sez it all considering i love gn'r. but newsted.oh newsted look wt uve become...on the other hand i did have a happier line of thought..maybe the supernova r the true pranksters v wish they were n r just doing this for the monery..maybe aftr the shows over they'll say hahha fuck u but we're not making music for a fucking tv audience selected lead singer..n go off to bahamas or soemthng..that wld b cool..yes yes contractual obligations i know i know..!i guess toby will win. dilana is just as bad as lukas, seems no more real to me than he does. though i liked her mother mother performance. n ryan's 'breaking my religion' moved me too. but the ever-changing mascara n practised jumping arnd !!he had it coming to him dint he. icelandman i cnt make my mind up abt.he seems solid but theres nothing else.hes too solid almost boring. storm storm storm's hot. rock n roll..umm she's NOT...dave navarro has nevr been more homosexual than that time wen he told the iceland guy "its my show, sucker". what WAS that??!!